How many of us have kept our social media accounts long after we've exhausted using them simply because we like to see what our "friends" are up to? Most nights we sign in and bitterly express our contempt of those who "brag" to our friends and family when we scroll through our feeds and see who among who has bought themselves yet another new car or a new house, when we can't even afford groceries this week (lets be honest, sometimes we are just blatantly jealous and need to vent). But on the other hand, some days we scroll down the news feed for 20-30 minutes in true support and curiosity to see if that friend that wanted to be a surgeon ever made it into med school (You could use a new doctor...). Or did the quarterback ever get signed professionally (Odds are no, but hey! You both can dream!)?
As we grow older and get busier, some of the people we were close to slowly fade into the background. The distance between colleges was too much, you grew into two different people and don't fit together as you use to, one of you changed your phone number and a casual, "How's everything?" of Facebook once a month slowly turned into once a year, and then into maybe once every two years. It's bound to happen. Life pulls us in all different directions, consuming us and busying us before we have even completed our weekly to-do's. We mean well and want to reach out more. We want to send that text, "Lets do lunch!" and stick to it. But life is a little crazy and it doesn't always let us get what we want.
So instead, we sign into our Snapchats, our Twitters, and our Instagrams, and for a second we are privy to the lives of everyone we are "friends" with. Sometimes we even proudly smile and do an internal cheer when we can see, "Yes! She made it into Med School! You go, Katie-Kat!" Sometimes we sigh and say, "Well, at least he looks happy; good job and a wife..." We habitually check-in without ever saying, "Hey!", and we joke about "Creeping" and being "stalkerish", but sometimes, it is more; it is being supportive from a distance. We still care. We're still interested in those people's lives and want to see them happy. It may sound crazy, just idly scrolling and smiling behind a screen, especially because on social media all you have to do is click the option to "message" someone and viola!, you have connected in less than 2 minutes. But if you're anything like me, you shy away from being intrusive; re-inserting yourself. Or maybe you're like my sister and think, "If they wanted me in their life, they would have reached out to me." But either way, we cannot make assumptions and we cannot predict the life course of others. Maybe they do want you in their life and are just as busy as you or just as afraid you don't want them in your life.
"Friends" become "acquaintances" very quickly after the yearbooks are signed and taken home. It's not uncommon that "friends" go separate ways into adulthood. But it is important to remember that every friend you have was once a stranger or acquaintance. You can reverse this with a single message. The worst case scenario is that you are left on read or they reach out and the conversation fizzles in less than an hour. These are okay. These are not life ending circumstances. We have to learn to accept that life happens, friendships lose the spark, but friendships can be reignited (just like our intimate relationships). You need to put in the effort you want to see back-- if you never try you never know. And to live with regret and "what if..." is so much worse than learning to accept the person you already didn't talk to is not the same person they once were.
Lets not sit at our kitchen tables the night before our 10-year reunion and point at a face in our yearbooks and say, "I wish we'd remained closer..." We have the opportunity to make that happen every day. I pledge, starting now, to try to be the "better friend", and let those I follow on social media know I'm following; not just to rank up numbers, but that I enjoy seeing them prosper and I'm proud of their accomplishments. Maybe you should try, too! Remember, it's a scientific fact that keeping close with people you care about can actually benefit you in the long run.
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