My Superman loved to dress as the Joker for Halloween. He felt the Joker had a cooler back story- he was a cooler character than Superman. In fact, My Superman was a Batman fan, and who could blame him? The dark and brooding anti-hero: rich, orphaned, full of guilt, and with too much time on his hands. "Vigilante shit"! Frankly, I preferred Batman, too, at least for comic book purposes. But in this case, I was a thorough Superman fan- I found my hero.
If someone had asked me six months ago, I would have said that we had built the perfect cross-over comic book love story (or his biggest mistake): Superman and Harley Quinn—until last light. Last night, I learned about DC's equivalent for Superman: Silver Banshee, described on Wikipedia as "akin to a succubus or psychic vampire."
Ouch.
In this comic book, Superman ends up with Silver Banshee, and this time, she wins. Superman becomes a ghost—literally.
Yes, you read that right. My Superman has ghosted me. We are getting divorced.
On February 17th, he walked out of our apartment with nothing but a duffle bag I'd bought him of a week's worth of things, and never came back. Within one week, he took half our savings and cut me from a joint credit card from which the puppies' food and medicine were paid through and set to auto-ship (I learned that from a dramatic drop in my credit score). Within weeks he had a new phone number (I learned that the hard way) and a new bank account (I learned that the shitty way).
Within two months, Superman had served the Silver Banshee with divorce papers.
"Irreconcilable differences"...
What?! What "differences"?!
He'd never communicated any "differences."
We never tried to "reconcile" any differences.
I couldn't help but laugh at that moment. Lord knows I'd already cried enough, waiting with anxiety to know if Superman would ever return to Krypton. But now, here we are. Almost half a year later, I have completed everything I needed to for my lawyer, I have moved from Krypton, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs (which has never happened to me before), and I am awaiting Superman's "financial inquiries" (which were requested back in May and never received) so we can begin the negotiation settlement and submit it all for finalization.
What is the holdup?
I won't lie. I spent a lot of May, before my move, hoping it was because Superman was finally having doubts. Then, I moved. I have hardly thought about him since then. But yesterday was rough. I couldn't stop thinking about him and how I'd never cook for him again; we wouldn't play any games together again or shower together again; we wouldn't sing in the car together again or meow along to the lyrics; he would never be my date again- that means no more diner dates, no more bowling dates, no more wedding date... I will never share an inside joke with him again, like "being koala-ed," being "burrito-ed," being his "little raccoon," or "joint lady gifts"... It really sucked. And so I came home, dug out a pair of sweatpants he had given me, and put them on (in the middle of summer). It didn't help...
Today, I cried over Superman for the first time since April. I really let myself cry. I grieved for the life I thought I'd have; the hero I thought I found- a man who chose me through all the highs and lows, through my mental illness and physical illness, through being a guardian of my sister... I thought I found my anchor, my safety, the one to make "the villain" redeemable. I thought I would have a silver lining story, not be the Silver Banshee, sending her victims to death through her wailing... And yet I have. After 3-weeks of spiraling, he walked out on me with no attempt to fix things or to support me.
So what comes next for the villain he has left me to be since he left without reason?
I don't know. I guess we'll see.
I have a lot going on, which I will talk about in another post, sometime later. Right now, I have to prepare to rehearse for my next poetry reading! It's crazy how, despite the pain and hardship (and the core of Krypton exploding- let's be real!), I have kept on living (even thriving at times). Life is funny like that sometimes...
If you're looking for a more emotional look into where I've been and how this has all affected me, keep an eye out for my third book of poetry, "Brain Dead". It should be hitting Amazon, and e-book retailers sometime next week.
And for those of you wondering...
I do wish Superman the best. I hope wherever he is, he is happy. I hope one day, someone else gets to see him as their hero; I hope he loves them enough to share the "Super Shirt". And yes, sometimes (often times) I still wish that someone was still me, but I have made peace with knowing our comic book story has reached "The End."
Now, I await what my story has in store for me... Hopefully, I can be redeemed.
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